Friday, June 22, 2007

Chewing the Hard Facts...

As human, we can't escape from making mistakes. In fact, to some extend, we are actually allowed to make mistake but not allowed to do wrong. Often enough, mistake can teach us to do things more prudently. Mistake also if viewed and learned positively can make us a better person. To most people, only mistake can make us wiser whether we are clever or not.

I have many mistakes all my life but nothing beats the feeling of remorseful and sad that I felt yesterday when I was told by a friend that in the eyes of many in the office, I am practically a bad person. I felt the whole world collapse unto me upon hearing this. I felt that I am very insignificant person with nothing to offer anymore and whatever I have offered and contributed over the years means nothing to the company. I felt that there is no more good in me that worth giving to others. I felt whatever that come out from my mouth will cause discomfort and distress to others. I felt that even my close friends whom I knew for so long no longer have faith on me. In other words, I really felt I was useless. But that's what I felt yesterday. Today, is a bit different story...

Despite this setback, I am very thankful to my friend who informed me about the dire need for me to improve certain aspect of my personalities which have been perceived by many as 'manipulative' or 'scheming type'. What I also learned from the conversation is that I don't really have a friend whom I can trust since private conversation between friends has suddenly turned into something public and perceived by others as trying to strategize my next move. I also learned that at professional level, sometimes people that you know for so long is the one that you should put very little trust on. Yes, it is very sad fact but I don't blame these people for having such behaviour. After all, they are also humans. If anything it is me to be blamed as in this transient world, we always tends to focus more on what we can get in the short term rather in the long run. I also had the bad habit of speculating the future which may have been perceived negatively by others. Insha'allah, this habit will go. For whatever it is, I realise my mistake now and ask forgiveness from Allah and guidance from him to lead me to the strait path and avoid His wrath.

If anything, I am not a man of vengeance. Neither I am a scheming type. I just want to live my life with guided from Allah and and I can't promise not to make mistake along the way. But one thing for sure and insha'allah, I am not going to commit wrong. Life is on earth is too short and unpleasant for me to hang on to.

"Ya-Allah; berilah kami kebaikan di dunia dan kebaikan di akhirat, dan peliharalah kami dari azab neraka".

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